FUNNIEST MATHEMATICAL ANSWER FOR FUNNIEST GCE QUESTION

GCE MATHEMATICS EXAM PAPER
Time: 2Hrs 30MINS
INSTRUCTIONS: ATTEMPT ALL QUESTIONS.
ALL QUESTIONS CARRY EQUAL MARKS.

1. If You have dated a girl for 2 years, eventually she drops you for another guy. Calculate the percentage of time wasted. (20 marks)

2. You bought a phone for your girlfriend and she gave it to another guy. Using trigonometric identities, derive a general formula for this type of love. (20 marks)

3. (For Boys) You're dating around 15 girls and every girl is demanding for a Samsung Galaxy and an iPhone 6s (a) Plot a graph of girls against prices of phones. (15marks)
(B-) Use your graph to estimate your future poverty (5marks)

4. You are dating other peoples' sisters yet you don't want to see any guy with your sister. Calculate the Percentage Error in your Thinking Capacity. (20 marks)

5. You are a civil servant, your wife is a petty trader, your combined household income is less than 350k. Your daughter who is awaiting UME(university matriculation exam) result is using iPhone 6s and Samsung Galaxy both worth 350k. Calculate the Percentage of your Parental Negligence. (20 marks)

6. (For girls) You're a girl and you have dated 20 guys with hard labor, use the law of diminishing Return to calculate the substance that will be left for your husband to enjoy. (20 marks)

7. You can't give your wife 1k for a pot of soup, but you spend over 10k in bars and restaurant. Calculate the radius of your 'stupidity', take π=3.142(20 marks)i

BEST OF GOOD LUCK!
                                                                                            Invigilator:  Comr. Romeo without juliet.

ANSWERS
1=the answer is directly proportional to resources invested with time T. when T=2yrs.

2=we are going to use MAGA (fools) equation from advance mumu (stupid) theory to solve that.

3=number of girls directly proportional to the degree of future poverty.

4.=<20 percent cos 80% of wot happens to the sister depends on her choice and not on her brother's lifestyle.

5.=>70% negligence because the daughter must be olosho (prostitute) or robber without them noticing.

6.=>60% since it doesn't read meter and provided she hasn't contact STD, loss her fertility or became possessed with demon.

7.=10km of stupidity.

MY VIEW ABOUT NIGERIA CURRENT TREND ABOUT THE POOR ECONOMIC STATE

I feel like using this medium to express my view concerning the way many Nigerian are blaming poor state of the economy on the present government. so far GMB is stop beta than Obasanjo or Jonathan...those 2 guys are just lucky than him...like during OBJ's tenure crude oil was $150 per barrel.
$100 @ Jonathan's and lot of corruption flourished..
But now when Buhari take over crude oil fell to $30 per barrel...so we collect little dollars from our crude export and buy refined one at high price...story of naija is similar to ancient Egypt story and our Joseph was OBJ who was brought from prison to ASO rock in time of but instead of doing what Joseph did to use d money to develop 9ja like Dubai did wit doing own money to make their dessert beat Paris record...instead they still our money and invest it in foreign countries..and was busy trying to monopolise power for him self and his political associates...but now oil boom as turn to oil doom...and we are now blaming the man that was trying to repair the destruction that have been happening since time of IBB( it was the birth of corruption)...remember Obasanjo self felt like saint wen he saw corruption in GEJ government...so to me GMB is still the best for the past 30yrs..he case is just like someone moved into a house that owe NEPA bill and NEPA is cut the light from pole and wen he moved in..was it his fault or past tenant/occupant who failed to pay the accumulated bill...so in my opinion i tink is wrong to blame him...rather we should support his anticorruption war...because that's the greatest problem facing Nigeria...If financial corruption is eradicated, then Nigeria will be a better place...I hereby encourage all and sundry to join the war against financial crime and corruption

Naija got tallent.Check out this amazing art of creativity

this bike was weaved using same materials used in making basket and was made by a Nigerian artist.
this is little compere to the sea of mind blowing art work i encounter on daily bases...this one of the countless prove to show that naija got tallent indeed.

HOW TO USE E-TRANZACT CARD

HOW TO USE E-TRANZACT CARD
Get your eTranzact pocket money on your mobile phones and make your transactions anytime any where and any day
To bigin type in capital letter: REG, FIRST NAME,002047 and send it to 20220( on mtn airtel and etisalat only)

eTransact card can be used to pay school fees online and can also be used for online shopping...and pay at shopping mall or anywhere with POS machine...
This can be obtained in commercial banks...
To obtain it visit 

HOW TO USE E-TRANZACT CARD

HOW TO USE E-TRANZACT CARD
Get your eTranzact pocket money on your mobile phones and make your transactions anytime any where and any day
To bigin type in capital letter: REG, FIRST NAME,002047 and send it to 20220( on mtn airtel and etisalat only)

eTransact card can be used to pay school fees online and can also be used for online shopping...and pay at shopping mall or anywhere with POS machine...
This can be obtained in commercial banks...
To obtain it visit 

HOW TO RECEIVE FACEBOOK MESSAGES ON PHONE WITHOUT INTERNET OR NON BROWSING PHONE

HOW TO RECEIVE FACEBOOK MESSAGES ON PHONE WITHOUT INTERNET OR NON BROWSING PHONE
this process is simple, just
Dial “*510#

NOTE: This service style may vary from country to country.

HOW TO STOP UNWANTED SMS SUBSCRIPTION

HOW TO STOP UNWANTED SMS SUBSCRIPTION
For most subscriber it is by texting “STOP”  to the same number that you subscribe to. Or call customer care line for additional help.

HOW TO GET STOCK MARKET DETAIL

HOW TO GET STOCK MARKET DETAIL
Text stock, the market name+ the counrt name . then send to 33388

SEND SMS FROM YOUR PHONE TO E-MAIL WITHOUT INTERNET

SEND SMS FROM YOUR PHONE TO E-MAIL WITHOUT INTERNET
Text the persons email, the message you want to send, then send to 3333. It cost #50 per sms e.g  michelsmith@hotmail.com how are doing send to 3333

HOW TO CHECK YOUR EXAMINATION RESULT ON YOUR PHONE

HOW TO CHECK YOUR EXAMINATION RESULT ON YOUR PHONE
JAMB: simply type the scratch card pin* registration number* send to 080210010##.
TO CHECK JAMB CENTRE: text *reg number*scratch card pin* and send to 32327
WAEC: text “WAEC*EXAM NUMBER* SCRATCH CARD PIN*YEAR OF EXAM* to 32327
NECO:Text your reg number number+exam year *scratch card and text 32327

NOTE: This service style may vary from country to country.

HOW TO DETECT FAKE DRUG

HOW TO DETECT FAKE DRUG
Copy  the NAFDAC number and text it to 38353 and wait for confirmation.

HOW TO PORT FROM A SERVICE OPERATOR TO ANOTHER OR USING SAME SIM FOR DIFFERENT NET WORK

HOW TO PORT FROM A SERVICE OPERATOR TO ANOTHER OR USING SAME SIM FOR DIFFERENT NET WORK
For instance if you wish to use another network without changing your sim all you need to do is to do what they call “PORT”. this is done as follow:
Send “PORT” current number to 3232 e.g “PORT 09033******” to  3232,
Visit the office of the service provider you want to port to then fill the porting form ,
They service provider concern will give you a new sim and your old number will be available on it.

HOW TO FORMAT YOUR PHONE

HOW TO FORMAT YOUR PHONE
This will put your phone back to factory settings and can lead to loss of data from your phone. So before you format your phone ensure your back up your valuable data.
select menu and settings from the phone
in the settings go to security or advance settings
select restore factory settings  or wipe handheld.
It may require password in general use 1234 or 1234 or 0000 0r 0000 or any applicable password based on various unique maker or individual personal settings.

HOW TO ACTIVATE RESERVE BATTERY POWER IN YOUR PHONE

HOW TO ACTIVATE RESERVE BATTERY POWER IN YOUR PHONE
This is for Some phone that have reserve battery program .
To activate reserve battery dial *3370#. And follow the next information that will come up on the screen.

ETISALAT MANUAL CONFIGURATION SETTINGS

ETISALAT MANUAL CONFIGURATION SETTINGS
Account name: ETISALAT
Homepage: //www.etisalat.com.ng or http://mobile.etisalat.com.ng
User name: wap
Password: wap
Access point name APN: etisalat
IP or Proxy Address: 010.071.071.005
Port: 8080

AIRTEL MANUAL CONFIGURATION SETTINGS

AIRTEL MANUAL CONFIGURATION SETTINGS
Account name: AIRTEL
Homepage ://wap.ng.airtel.com
User name: internet
Password: internet
Access point name APN: internet.ng.zain.com or internet.ng.airtel.com
IP or Proxy Address: 172.018.254.005
Port: 8080

GLO MANUAL CONFIGURATION SETTINGS

GLO MANUAL CONFIGURATION SETTINGS
Account name: GLO
Homepage : http://wap.gloworld.com
User name: wap
Password: wap
Access point name APN: Glosecure
IP or Proxy Address: 010.100.098.022
Port: 8080

MTN BROWSING MANUAL CONFIGURATION FOR JAVA, ANDROID, MODEM AND SMARTPHONES

MTN BROWSING MANUAL CONFIGURATION FOR JAVA, ANDROID, MODEM AND SMARTPHONES
Account name: MTNNigeria
Home page: http://wap.mtnonline.com
User name: web
Password: web
Access point name or APN: web.gprs.mtnnigeria.net
IP or Proxy Address: 010.199.212.002
Port: 8080.

HOW TO MAKE A CONFERENCE CALL ( GROUP DISCUSSION )

HOW TO MAKE A CONFERENCE CALL ( GROUP DISCUSSION )
Call and hold simultaneously conversations with up to 5 other people, whether it is another airtel line, a fixed line or other mobile phone lines.
Begin by making the first call, place the call on hold and make second call,
Select the conference call option on your mobile phone. Now you can hold a conversation between the three of you.
To add another person to the conversation, place your current call on hold and make the third call. You can repeat this sequence for up to five calls.
Cos to of conference call depend on if its local, international or same net work. And you will be charged separately for each of the calls.

HOW TO KNOW THE EXPIRY DATE OF A PHONE LIKE NOKIA ESPECIALLY

HOW TO KNOW THE EXPIRY DATE OF A PHONE LIKE NOKIA ESPECIALLY
Just dial *#92702689# to check.

HOW TO REPLACE YOUR LOST SIM CARD

HOW TO REPLACE YOUR LOST SIM CARD
Buy a new sim card and call the customer careline with the new sim and give  them the required information concerning the other lost sim and the new one you got.
If this didn’t work try and visit the nearest customer service office for help.

HOW YOU CAN ANSWER CALL WITH SOMEONE PHONE WHEN YOUR BATTERY IS DOWN

HOW YOU CAN ANSWER CALL WITH SOMEONE PHONE WHEN YOUR BATTERY IS DOWN
Before your phone goes off dial **21 the number of the phone to use #.
to cancel dial ##21# .

HOW TO STOP SOMEONE FROM MAKING CALL WITH YOUR PHONE

HOW TO STOP SOMEONE FROM MAKING CALL WITH YOUR PHONE
Local calls : dial *331*0000#. To unlock #33*0000#.
International call: dial *331*0000#. To unlock dial #331*0000#

HOW TO PREVENT A PARTICULAR PERSON FROM CALLING YOU OR HOW TO BLOCK SOMEONE

HOW TO PREVENT A PARTICULAR PERSON FROM CALLING YOU OR HOW TO BLOCK SOMEONE
If you don’t want someone to call you dial **21*174 number#
Note that this might block all calls on some network. To cancel##21#.

HOW TO MAKE A FLASHER PAY

HOW TO MAKE A FLASHER PAY
DIAL **218*174  recipient number then #. To cancel simply dial ##002#.. if you do this your phone will automatically pic the person’s call.

HOW TO STOP YOUR PHONE FROM BEING TAPED

HOW TO STOP YOUR PHONE FROM BEING TAPED
DIAL ##61#

HOW YOU CAN BAR INTERNATIONAL CALL FROM YOUR PHONE

HOW YOU CAN BAR INTERNATIONAL CALL FROM YOUR PHONE
Dial **33*0000# SEND. To stop it dial #331#*0000# send..

HOW TO HIDE NUMBER WHEN CALLING AND TEXTING

HOW TO HIDE NUMBER WHEN MAKING CALL AND TEXT

If you want to hide your number or caller ID you dial "141" followed by the number you want to call. 

E. g: "141 0123 4567.

Another method is by dialing "*67" followed by the number you wish to call. For example: *67 0123 4567.

FOR THE TEXTING ( MTN NETWORK )
Text the persons number space your message and send to 3344 e.g 0904456234 message context  send to 3344.

HOW TO HIDE YOUR NUMBER WHEN CALLING

HOW TO HIDE YOUR NUMBER WHEN CALLING
Simply dial #31# and the number you want to call. E.g #31# 08051000000 dial.

HOW TO KNOW A HIDDEN NUMBER

HOW TO KNOW A HIDDEN NUMBER
Set a different ring tone and picture to the suspected numbers ,
You can also allow the call to go into voice mail from there you can get the identify the caller.

HOW YOU CAN UNLOCK YOUR BLOCKED SIM CARD

HOW YOU CAN UNLOCK YOUR BLOCKED SIM CARD
Simply dial **05*PUK number*new pin*new pin# SEND.

HOW TO STOP INCOMING MESSAGES

HOW TO STOP INCOMING MESSAGES
Dial *35*0000*16#,To stop dial #35*0000*16#

HOW TO PREVENT SOMEONE FROM TEXTING WITH YOUR PHONE

HOW TO PREVENT SOMEONE FROM TEXTING WITH YOUR PHONE
Dial *351*0000*16# , To cancel #35*0000*16#

HOW TO BLOCK CALL AND AVOID CALLERS DISTURBANCES

HOW TO BLOCK CALL AND AVOID CALLERS DISTURBANCES
Dial *35*0000# SEND, To cancel dial #35*0000#

HOW TO RECEIVE MORE THAN ONE CALL AT ONCE

HOW TO RECEIVE MORE THAN ONE CALL AT ONCE
To setup, Dial *43# from that moment if you are calling and another call comes in, simply dial 2 then send. NOTE you have placed the initial call on hold.

FREE EMERGENCY CALL LINE WHEN IN TROUBLE

FREE EMERGENCY CALL LINE WHEN IN TROUBLE
The universal lines are :Dial 112 or 911

HOW TO KNOW ORIGINAL PHONE

A quick way to check if a phone is original is by dialling *06# which should display 15 digit IMEI number which is usually begins with 35 followed by 13 other numbers, then compare this to IMEI number under your battery chamber. Both IMEI should be be the same.
Below are unique code for various GSM brands:
NOKIA
IMEI number *#06#
Software version *#92702689#
Enhanced half rate *4720#
Enhance full rate *3370#
Software version *#0000#
To know manufacture date *#0000#
SAMSUNG
IMEI Number *#06#
Sim lock info *0377#
Phone information *0377#
Phone information *#0228#
Battery state *9998*228#
Vibration test *#9987*842#
MOTOROLA
IMEI number *#06#
Net monitor OFF ***113*2*
Net monitor ON ***113*1*
To know manufacturing date dial #         NOTE: Motorolla code is only available for few models
LG, NEC and TRIUM
IMEI Number: *#06#
Software version #6276421#

NIGERIA GSM OPERATORS CUSTUOMER CARE LINE

Mtn Customer Care Line : 180
Globacom Customer Care Line:121
Etisalat Customer Care: 200
Airtel Customer Care: 113

Nigerian Navy Massive Recruitment Exercise 2016

Nigerian Navy Massive Recruitment Exercise 2016

The Nigerian Navy wishes to inform the general public and all interested candidates that the online registration for 2016 Recruitment Exercise will commence on 5 March 2016 and close on 2 April 2016.

2016 Nigerian Navy Recruitment Exercise

Basic Qualifications
Applicants must:

Possess a minimum of 5 credits in not more than 2 sittings in WASSCE/GCE/NECO/NABTEB (English and Mathematics inclusive).

Be between the ages of 18 - 22 years while 24 - 26 years are the acceptable limit for those with OND, NCE, Nurses and Motor Transport Department (MTD) respectively. Candidates with higher qualifications than those specified in the guidelines should not apply.

Applicants must be single and of Nigerian origin by birth.Required height of 1.70 metres for Male and 1.67 metres for Female.Check for full detailed instruction at www.navy.mil.ng

General Information for Candidates to Note

The recruitment exercise will commence with an aptitude test and screening of certificates of candidates at designated centres for various states nationwide from 9 April 2016. 

You are advised to carefully read the instructions on the website or call the following support lines from 9am to 4pm on working days: 08124511398 and 08159999011.

Candidates are advised in their own interest not to give any form of gratification or inducement to any person or group of persons to assist them on the recruitment exercise.

Candidates are advised in their own interest not to submit multiple online applications. 

Any candidates with multiple submissions will be disqualified.

Application Closing Date
2nd April, 2016.

Method of Application
Interested and qualified candidates should:
Click Here To Start Application

NOTE: Interested members of the public are requested to note the following information on method of application. Applications are free of charge. Applicants are to apply only once. Multiple online applications will be disqualified.

Step 1: Click on the Register button to create an account on this portal by providing a valid Email Address (which will be used as your User Name) and Password. Note: You will need your Email Address (User Name) and Password to log in next time.

Step 2: Complete the Ratings Application form. Make sure you review your data carefully before submitting. You may log in at anytime before application closes to make changes after submission.

Step 3: Download and print a copy of your completed Application form which must include the following parts: Applicant's Declaration and Certification by Parent/Guardian form.

Local Government Area Certification Form.

Police Certification Form.

Guarantor Form.

The Aptitude Test and Screening of Certificates of candidates will hold from Saturday 9 April 2016 from 8:00 am nationwide at designated centres in various states. 

You must come along with your printed application form

Minister of State For Labour And Employment, Barr. James Ocholi Dies In Car Crash

The Minister of State for Labour and Employment, Barrister James Ocholi is dead.
Barr. Ocholi died this afternoon in an auto crash.
The accident occurred on Kaduna-Abuja road.
Details shortly
The post Breaking News: Minister of State For
Labour And Employment, Barr. James Ocholi
Dies In Car Crash appeared first on Nigerian
News from Leadership News.

Quick easy and effective way to make your phone and computer run faster

There are common reasons for slow running of most gadgets both android and all sort of mobile devices and computers. below are the list of the most common causes and solution to slow running of phones and computers.

1* FILLED PRIMARY (phone) MEMORY: Your phone will run slow when you over-crowd the phone memory. it can even be causing the phone to reboot.
SOLUTION: Free the phone memory to at least 50% free and it will be faster and running better again.

2* TOO LOW RAM: Phones and computer with low ram will run slow.
SOLUTION: Upgrade your RAM or reduce the applications you run on such device.
or get a new device with higher RAM value.

3* VIRUS: Virus is a major problem of computers, phones and tab as they don't only make you loose your vital data, but also make your device slow and malfunction generally.
SOLUTION:Get an "antivirus" to deal with the virus and avoid careless exposure of you device to data that may have been infected with virus.

4* DAMAGED SOFTWARE OR HARDWARE: Damage to a device hardware or software can lead to undesirable effect on the general performance of your device.
SOLUTION: If its software problem, simply put the device on factory reset or format it(or get someone to help format it if you don't know how to do it). if its hardware problem like burnt or broken component, Get a good technician to help you fix the device. please be sure the technician is good because many of them who are not skilled enough will make the problem worst.

Note: Before format ensure you back-up your important data.